today is the first "real" day without pawpaw. It's almost felt like he's been there in the midst of it all, now he's really gone - laid to rest.
i dreamed about him all night. we were going fishing with him, and we had walked around a big lake, quite a ways from the cars. then a huge storm blew in and we had to get to the cars, but he started getting really sick and couldn't walk to the cars. somehow, we got the cars to him and there is a blank...next thing we all were asking is, "where's pawpaw at?" all of us had last seen him hooking a huge bass, bringing it in, netting it with the help of an unknown boy, grinning ear to ear. but he never got in a car, he was just gone....
the funeral yesterday was so hard. you pray, begging God to let the service go on just a little while longer. you don't want them to take him away, you want to fight with everything to keep him there. when they took him away, all the emotions hit. then i didn't want to leave, somehow i felt close to him in the chapel. i just want to be close to him, to have something i can cling to.
i'll have to cling to the hope that we will see him one day, but for now he's fishing - and probably teaching my brother solomon to fish, as well!
if the weather would clear off, i want to go see him at the gravesite for the first time today. to just be close...
update: dan at new connection has made a post about my dad and pawpaw. he is one of my dad's closest friends, and has been there to support him. thanks, dan!
posted by no_average_girl at 11:00 AM
8 Comments:
I know it will hurt for a little while and you will have those dreams. It is just a way to process the loss and will help you heal over time. "Where, O death, is your vbicjtory? Where, O death, is your sting?" - 1 Cor 15:55
Oops - I ment 'victory'...sorry
Still thinking of you and your loss...
Hi I got here thru eph2810... I am sorry for your loss... I too have had a friend pass this week and one last week... I am praying for you in this time. Please visit me some time. God Bless you!
My sweet friend, there's not much to say in the midst of yet another learned shock but know that you and your family are in my prayers for comfort, strength and peace that only our Heavenly Father can give and to say that I am sending you some big hugs tonight.
yes, definitely fishing with solomon. what a lovely thought.
i love you sweet princess. thanks for all your love and support these last few days. you are so precious.
blessings!
Just remember, we have not only the "hope" of seeing those who have died in Christ, but the ASSURANCE of it, for our faith is in a very real, very alive God, and a very real, very alive Jesus Christ.
Faith is having assurance of things unseen. If I "hope" the sun will rise tomorrow, I will be uncertain and fearful until it rises, and my hope is proven out. Instead, I have FAITH (assurance) that the Sun will rise, and have no fear that it will not. I have complete assurance that the sun will rise.
Have FAITH (assurance) that you will see your pawpaw, and myriads of others that love you and that you love, when we cross over into that place God has for us. It is not just an uncertain hope Christ gives us, but pure, rock solid assurance that what we believe will come to pass. His ressurection proved it.
Hold that faith with you, kiddo, and God Bless you and your family during a very trying time.
Its ok to weep and mourn. Dont stop. It is in these times of brokenness that the Lord really can minister to us and in these times we can see the Lord clearer than in any other time. So hang on to Jesus as he has his arms wrapped so tightly around you and is weeping with you. His love for you is so much more than you can begin to fathom and his heart breaks with yours because your heart is broken.
I am here if you need to talk...I am a good listener.
Bill
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