well, we're home now...all of the services and arrangements are now complete and i sit in utter shock. this feels like the worst 3 week period in my life. i've lost the only two grandfathers i really knew. poor little faith has lost both of her grandfathers, who did so much with her and taught her so much, in three weeks. that has got to be such a compressing feeling in her little heart. she'll be sitting and just start tearing up. we'd be going through some of papa hoyt's belongings (trying to find documents we'll need, etc.), and she couldn't do anything but cry.

you can see the evidence in his expecations to return...his bed unmade, notes about a television program coming on sunday evening (he died that morning), projects started. everywhere, you see him.

oh, how can this be real? how can it be? i'm amazed myself, but not once have i asked why? maybe i'm too stunned. i don't believe this. i just don't believe it...

as we sat at his and granny duh's house after the funeral, i just kept waiting on papa hoyt to walk in and ask why's everyone at his house. to walk in, see the long faces and tear-stained faces and crack a joke or two!

thankfully my grandmother has been staying with us since sunday. and i asked if she wanted someone to sleep with her (she was in my bed, after all! haha) and she said if i could stand the snoring. well, i quickly thought i has spent the night at her house several times as a girl, and it was always a special treat to sleep in her bed..."well, granny duh, it's never bothered me before!" so, i've been sleeping with her. yes, we've both tossed and turned and i would wake up to her just laying there.

the first night, sunday night, we stayed up and talked until 3 a.m. i told her the next day she was either taking a sleeping pill or i was taking a caffeine pill! lol needless to say, she went with the sleeping pill!

it's amazing, but through all of this she's gotten more beautiful by the day! she's was gorgeous before, but now she's radiant...her inner beauty is showing itself in full form. she's become one of the most beautiful, most graceful women i know! she manages to keep a smile on her face!

it was so hard to do those songs today. but i'm so sure he was looking down and just beaming! i couldn't bear to look at her, but i heard granny duh was just smiling and nodding at us as redeemer was done. i just pray i've got a fraction of her strength and beauty!

well, they should be back soon and she had mentioned getting in bed earlier! she's also mentioned sleeping in - we've been waking up at 5 a.m. and getting out of bed at 6 a.m. after going to bed past 11 or midnight and talking even later! i hear them now...i still can't believe everything.......how long until it "soaks" in?

Sometimes I don’t know where I’m going
Where the road this leading me
Life can be full of so many changes
So many uncertainties
But there’s one thing that’s constant in this heart of mine
It’s knowing that you’re gonna love me, come rain or shine

(chorus)
I have no doubt
That you will never leave me
That you’ll be there to keep me safe and warm
I have no doubt
No matter where you take me
That nothing can separate me from you, lord

I don’t know what you’ve planned for tomorrow
Or what lies up ahead for me
Pleasure, pain, worry or sorrow
Today is as far as I can see
You may see fit to take me through the valley, lord
Or on the mountain
It makes no difference where I go

(bridge) 1
I wanna run away
From that voice that I hear calling
But I’ll be quick to answer and obey

(chorus)
Nothing could separate me
Nothing could ever separate me