things have been a little crazy today, lol - after all, what's to define "normal"? anyway, my great-grandmother (yes, great-grandmother who's 87) had to have some tests run at the hospital...so once again we've spent another morning there. evidently they wanted to run these tests because she - get this! - doesn't have as much energy as she used to! and her blood count was low, so they "want to know where it's going."

they were thinking cancer, tumor, etc. but wanted to run these tests to find out for sure. thankfully, she came out as healthy as she went in! it wasn't anymore of the "goodbye, i'll see you tomorrow" scenarios!

as far as uncle dee, he seems to be a miracle man. the doctors, nurses, aunt loretta, and the rest of us thought he was on his deathbed (and to see a man as sick as he was, you would have felt so, too...trust me, i saw a lot more than i wanted), but apparently he's a fighter and there is finally talk of getting him out of icu and into a room over this weekend. God's not finished with him yet. please be praying he'll use whatever time he has left to get right with God and serve Him, no one knows how long they have - they can only prepare for when the time comes.

tonight at around 7:00 marks two weeks since pawpaw's home-going. i still catch myself wanting to go to "meme's and pawpaw's" and wanting to see him in his green recliner or on the porch swing enjoying his beautiful garden. i can only imagine him in heaven in a marvelous garden, perfected flowers, and the juiciest tomatoes! how grand it must be for him to be able to walk among it all without having to stop for breath!

with that, i guess i'll head out to karate. there's talk of going to another tournament tomorrow - as it will be the last one for quite a few weeks, or so they say! hope all of you have the bestest weekend, with the nicest weather, with smiles to last a lifetime! :-)

i'm a diamond...

What kind of jewel are you? Diamond Your beauty is both breathtaking and stunning. Your friends could see you everyday and still be enchanted.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

a tag in honor of woody....

10 Weird Things about Myself!

1. some country music songs i can't stand, yet others (by the same singers) i love! and, no, it's not just the lyrics...it's the way it sounds or something!

2. mushrooms and salsa make a wonderful, healthy snack! but, it's got to be sam's choice pineapple peach chipotle or black bean w/ corn!

3. i'm a penny pincher! if you want help on budgeting, i can show you what to cut where! lol unfortunately, i haven't found a guy who appreciates this part of me yet...

4. i haven't sat through a complete movie in...well, i can't remember the last time i sat through a complete movie, i don't even remember the movie - must not have been that good.

5. i'm saving my first kiss for someone really, really special! most people look at me like i've lost my mind when they hear about it...

6. i put on makeup to go to karate...drives some of my fellow students insane! and some of my instructors think it's cool! haha

7. i love to bake (as many know) and i love cleaning up if i do it as i go - such as putting the sugar up right after i use it. but i can't stand to clean it if i allow it to pile up and have all this stuff to put back in cabinets and closets! the differences feels like day and night!

8. i enjoy cleaning the kitchen, but hate unloading the dishwasher. i'd rather wash them by hand and put them up soon after than to have to unload them! or, give me a cabinet to clean instead!

9. mmm, raisens straight out of the can! my sister and i will sit down and eat them for a complete meal!

10. i can listen to songs over and over and over again - drives t up the wall..."change that song," she'll say. "is that all you listen to?" lol part of the fun in it all is getting the reaction...love you sis! :-P

deanne, miss erin, nic, and dionna consider yourself tagged!!! :-)

thankful thursday

finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things

Thankful Thursday: What no_average_girl is thankful for this week mom who has given me a clear path to walk down, and is there to help guide me at any time forgiveness for a chance to start over moments in time because each one has the potential to be special a day to live because others aren't as fortunate telephone to catch up with my friends and keep them "close" blogs to re-connect with olds friends - even those who have moved miles and worlds away from my heart Links to other Thankful Thursdays sting my heart ~ eph 2810 nightingale a child of God loni mom nancy peach nic ~If you participate, leave your link in the comments and I'll post it~

Click here for the Thankful Thursday code


Click here for Chrixean's blog


Trackbacks, pings, and comment links are accepted and encouraged!

View More Thankful Thursday Participants

indie virus

ok, i've been tagged by faith at faithful mommy with The Indie Virus. this virus has two goals:

~ to bring exposure to lesser known blogs (especially those outside of Technorati’s top 100)

~ to explore the metrics behind a viral linking campaign launched by the “little guys” (less popular blogs) - you'll have to go there to read the full rules and understand how the tags help promote lesser-known blogs.

this virus works on the honor system...delete 10 randomly selected files from your user directory...pass this email onto 10 people in your address book.......oops, wrong virus. :-S

anyway, those who are now infected are crazy daisy, ryan, berrymom, vicki, and deanne....have fun ladies and gentlemen! :-) oh, and the antidote is in clinical testing, so don't catch a deadly case ;-)

simple enough

NUMBER 1. You can only say YES or NO!
NUMBER 2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks!
NUMBER 3. You must add 1 YES or NO ONLY Question.


Made out with a member of the same sex?
n

Danced in front of your mirror?
y

Told a lie?
y

Gotten in a car with people you just met?
y

Been in a fist fight?
y

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
n

Been arrested?
n

Left your house without telling your parents?
y

Ditched school to do something more fun?
n

Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?
Y

Seen someone die?
y

Kissed a picture?
Y

Slept in past noon?
Y

Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
Y

Played dress up?
Y

Fallen asleep at work/school?
n

Felt an earthquake?
Y

Touched a snake?
Y

Ran a red light?
Y

Had detention?
n

Been in a car accident?
Y

Been lost?
Y

Sang karaoke?
n

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
Y

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
Y

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
Y

Kissed in the rain?
n

Sang in the shower?
Y

Got your tongue stuck to a pole?
n

Sat on a roof top?
n

Played chicken?
n

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
n

Been told you're hot by a complete stranger?
Y

Broken a bone?
y

Forgotten someone's name?
Y

Blacked out from drinking?
n

Played a prank on someone?
Y

Felt like killing someone?
n

Made a parent cry?
Y

Cried over someone?
Y

Had/Have a dog?
Y

Been in a band?
y

Drank 25 sodas in a day?
n

Shot a gun?
Y

Been a parent?
n

Been to another country?
n

Been in a snowball fight?
Y

Eat sushi?
n

Afraid to die?
n

Been caught having sex?
n

Been caught stealing?
n

Spent over $1000 in one day?
n

Know Jesus Christ As Your Lord And Savior... *if not, get in touch with me!
y

faith's birthday

today, my little sister is another year older. it's incredible to see the changes to look back over the years and remember holding her when she was a tiny baby - i was afraid to hold her, afraid she'd break or something. i hadn't been around babies before and i certainly didnt like it from her example...she cried and cried the first 6 weeks! she had three regular activities - eat, sleep, cry...well, more like scream. she was doing one of those three at any given time, honest!

i am thankful for her, but she has taught me lots. one of the major lessons being not to have kids until you're emotionally and financially stable, lol. i learned really quick that babies seem to just sap stability right out from under those who are stable, and can only imagine what it does to others. i think it was within the first several months of her young life i decided to wait at least five years after marriage to even think about having a kid! haha poor mother dear, if t and i think alike she's got another several years without grandchildren!

she has been such a blessing to watch grow from a baby, to a toddler, now to a young lady. she's great at everything she does, especially karate! she looks like t (everyone says she looks exactly like her), but acts so much like me - the little rebel! lol she very kind-hearted yet doesn't shy from disagreements or confontations.

i couldn't ask for a better sister! i love you, girlfriend!

boat compromise & illusive dots

My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he
bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her, "In the spirit of
compromise, why don't you name the boat?"

Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his
maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."

tournament

well, things worked out to where we were able to go to the tournament...yaaaay! us three girls competed, along with several others from our studio.

it was great, t had been practicing tung goon for her competition form. at the last minute, we both decided to go with basic form 2 - as it had kicks and we were more confident with it. well, she begins with basic form 2 but forgets the first kick in it, so she reverts to basic form 1 which has no kicks. unfortunately, she didn't get an award for it, but we all have the memory and laughs of thinking, "what in the world is she doing?" lol

now for the long-await for pictures...click on any picture to view more at my flickr site. it seems i downloaded tons, and still have quite a few to i could download!

here's richard...he's one incredible karate kid! he placed 3rd in weapons of about 12 kids, 1st in fighting, 1st in forms!


faith doing forms


faith getting 1st for forms...


stretching


here's jael & myself before the tournament - we were talking about forms, if i should do basic form 2 vs. tung goon.


here's me getting a side-kick on my opponent...


dustin and gary...dustin placed 3rd in fighting, gary placed 3rd in forms and 1st in fighting!


t fighting


while t's taking a break, we're evaluating the competition and talking about what she's got to do


andrew - he transferred to our school about 8 months ago. he's got some awesome kicks, which landed him 3rd in fighting. he also placed 3rd in forms, although he hates them!


jael's form


faith's trophy that is bigger than she is! :-)

your support, my friends, has given me so much encouragement. the Lord has used each one of you to keep me going when i felt i couldn't simply take another step. you've helped me keep the excitement for life. i've gotten so many comments, e-mails, and even calls!

we're going to try to go to a karate tournament tomorrow, as long as uncle dee stays on the "better" side of things. it'll be so great to do something somewhat normal and make an attempt at getting back to life.

last we heard about uncle dee, he was doing better, but still not out of the woods. they are saying he will be able to come off the ventilator in a couple of days, but i'm not holding my breath - no pun intended. still not really any "update" on the condition of his spiritual life - nothing else has really happened in those regards. honestly, i wish he would surrender to God, i think he would be able to rest and relax better if he'd decide to stop running. it's all in His hands, the best place for it to be! :-)

tonight marks one week since my pawpaw died. and tomorrow morning, two weeks since he went into the hospital. i would've never guessed we'd be here at that point in time, but i'm sure he's having his one week celebration! now, that's a happy thought! what a great way to end the post, on a happy note!

uncle dee is on life support...the doctors say it's a 50/50 chance he'll recover. he has fluid in his lungs, which they are having to pump out. and it was so hard to see him in there tonight. they did have him sedated, but his blood pressure plummeted into the 50's, so they had to take him off that medication. he then woke up and started fighting the machine, which would then make the respirator irregular because he was breathing and the machine was breathing. just pray God will do His work in his heart and complete what He began.

my dear friends, i'm so thankful and grateful for what you guys have done. i pray one day soon i'll be able to resume my "regular" posts of just life and living to the best, not that i'm unthankful, but that i would like things to be different although life's too short to waste this time being ungrateful...God has given me a special gift of today, even if it is to be a blessing to and being there for others. who am i to throw away such a precious, delicate gift?

this is what i want to do...hug each one of you! each one of you have contributed a part no other could offer. for giving of yourself, i thank you so much!

uncle dee seems to be in the healing process. please still continue praying for his salvation to be complete, with no doubt in his mind.

i'm trying to get back into the "normal" routine of things now. we finally started karate back, and today stacey is coming over. we're trying to get back to life. we've had so much support and prayers from family, friends, and bloggers that it's been a relatively easy transition up to this point. tomorrow evening will be a week, but it seems as if it were only yesterday. it's hard to believe i was talking to him a week ago - and our last wonderful conversation took place one week ago tonight. but, he's experienced nothing but sheer laughter since. :-)

update: uncle dee is now on life support...

well, well, well...what can i say? just this evening, on the way to karate, i found out my great-uncle on my mother's side, the only surviving brother of my maternal grandfather, had surgery to remove a tumor this afternoon and now is in icu on a respirator. uncle dee has been like a grandfather to me for the past few years, not to mention he loved my mother as his own daughter - as my grandfather passed away 11 years ago, unexpectedly, and uncle dee never had any kids.

so, we're getting quick showers and heading off to see him. God, continue to give us all strength...

update: we are now back from seeing uncle dee. thankfully, he's off the respirator, but still on heavy oxygen and in icu. please, please be praying for him to get things right with God. we have signs to hope he's given his heart and life to Him, but are not confident in that fact. just please be praying that he will be confident, whether any of us know it or not. he also has lung cancer, but he is not aware of that just yet. unfortunately, it's a rapidly growing type.

today is the first "real" day without pawpaw. It's almost felt like he's been there in the midst of it all, now he's really gone - laid to rest.

i dreamed about him all night. we were going fishing with him, and we had walked around a big lake, quite a ways from the cars. then a huge storm blew in and we had to get to the cars, but he started getting really sick and couldn't walk to the cars. somehow, we got the cars to him and there is a blank...next thing we all were asking is, "where's pawpaw at?" all of us had last seen him hooking a huge bass, bringing it in, netting it with the help of an unknown boy, grinning ear to ear. but he never got in a car, he was just gone....

the funeral yesterday was so hard. you pray, begging God to let the service go on just a little while longer. you don't want them to take him away, you want to fight with everything to keep him there. when they took him away, all the emotions hit. then i didn't want to leave, somehow i felt close to him in the chapel. i just want to be close to him, to have something i can cling to.

i'll have to cling to the hope that we will see him one day, but for now he's fishing - and probably teaching my brother solomon to fish, as well!

if the weather would clear off, i want to go see him at the gravesite for the first time today. to just be close...

update: dan at new connection has made a post about my dad and pawpaw. he is one of my dad's closest friends, and has been there to support him. thanks, dan!

what a weekend...what an emotional drain. the viewing was last night, and so many of our old friends came and were so supportive. there were so many hugs, so much love just flowing right out of each heart into ours. how great our God is, sending us "angels" right when we need them!

unfortunately, his death is starting to hit home and feel so real...and it aches. it hasn't felt real for this entire time, unil yesterday evening when i had a chance to slow down a bit. the funeral is today, and the weather is cloudy/rainy. i guess God is mourning with us. but, as we say, pawpaw isn't...he wouldn't come back for anything! he's up there telling us to hurry on! :-)

there has been a mini-reunion already. you see, my mother had a miscarriage at about 6 months in 2002, it was my only brother, solomon, which would have been the baby grandchild. so, pawpaw's getting to spoil him...i'm so jealous, i wanted my brother!

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Revelation 21:4

sleep finally overtook last night
thankfully, dad slept good enough
as did meme...she looked great considering it all!
final arrangements are made
now to finish baking "papaw's poppy seed" muffins for the refreshments
i remember taking one to him last sunday morning in icu
he was already working on it before i left!
oh, how i wish he could have one now.....


She sits by the window with wandering eyes
She has a song in her heart
And a golden disguise
Her body is torn because age doesn’t heal
She’s not letting on
About the pain that she feels
But she knows in her soul
That it won’t be too long
’til jesus comes back
To carry her home...

Where there will be no more pain
No more sorrow
No more waiting
For illusive tomorrows
There will be no more pain
No more dying
No more striving or strain
No more pain

My mind’s eye remembers the trouble I’ve seen
All I have been through,
And how I long to be free
But I learn by her patience that I need her resolve
To wait for the opening of eternity’s halls
And I know that in time we will stand side by side
When jesus comes back receiving his bride

how to write how i feel...it's totally indescribeable. thanks for your prayers and support up to this point, but papaw is in a better place now. no more suffering, no more gasps, just pure Heaven, pure joy, pure peace, pure rest.

i got to tell him i loved him, that we loved him, and we were there for him. his heart rate dropped and in a second he was at perfect peace. his hand was still so warm.

but, oh, how it aches now. but where he is there is nothing but sheer joy. and i got to tell him all i needed to, he knew how i cared.

dear Father, just be near...

update: cousin stephi has a tribute to papaw posted now.

just found out papaw's in a coma...

Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good

staying on "go"....

last night, my cousin haley came to stay with us to help me bake today. we're trying to keep the family (meme especially, as she won't leave papaw's side to eat or rest) food to eat while at the hospital. while doing all of this, we're staying on go incase they call from the hospital telling us to rush in.

i'm so thankful for last night... when we went back to the hospital, he was feeling so much better! he was actually sitting up and carrying on conversations, yes a little slower and with a little more pain than he used to, but he wasn't just laying there asking for medicine. he drank cranberry juice, then i grabbed a bottle of ensure with a straw and poked it through his mask! he then drank half of it! as i was leaving, i said, "papaw, are you sure you don't want any more ensure?" he rubbed his belly, "no, i'm full!" we all started laughing and he smiled! we also had time to joke around, dad and papaw talked about the selling of his boat - the one that was pictured a few posts back. they talked about what needed to be done before selling it and the price. they did talk about memories of fishing with papaw. one story was when my dad was little and caught two small fish and asked papaw, "hey, dad, is this enough for a mess?" "yes, son, catch two more and we'll put them in the bottom of the boat and stomp on them!" lol how precious memories are!

if only each night could end as that one. unfortunately, we're getting so many conflicting reports on how long we do have. one doctor says a few weeks, the other said last night. only He knows.

you, my dear friends, are so wonderful and so encouraging! i can't imagine trying to go through this without you guys! if you get a chance, please go over to my cousin stephi's site and leave a few encouraging words. i know she hasn't posted in a while, but she'll be back on and i'd love to know she's smiling when she does log in! my cousin josh also has a blog you could visit, too. we all need as many prayers and encouragement as we can get right now! you guys are just awesome! :-)

thanks to ryan for sharing this wonderful song with me...it's a reminder for me to allow God to be near...

You are all
Big and small
Beautiful
And wonderful
To trust in grace through faith
But I'm asking to taste

For dark is light to You
Depths are height to You
Far is near
But Lord, I need to hear from You

Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good

Your fullness is mine
Revelation divine
But oh, to taste
To know much more than a page
To feel Your embrace

For dark is light to You
The depths are height to You
Far is near, but Lord
I need to hear from You

Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good

early morning hospital visit

well, i've been at the hospital all morning, along with the rest of the family - including angela, marty, kim, bill, josh, stephanie, & seth. things go so up and so down. it's just so hard to sit there and watch him suffer, to struggle, to fight for each breath. you can tell his spirit is tired of fighting. he's had so much patience, never once complaining of treatments, or pain, or some more blood being taken. he's been so strong, so steady. and when we go in and talk to him, to speak from our hearts, all he says is, "don't cry, i'm just sick." how can you help but cry? he's here suffering so, and comforting us.

and, chris, i took your wisdom and told him how i really felt about him. how good he raised my dad, how he was a strong man, how i listened to everything he said without question. at the end, he opened his eyes and looked at me. he didn't have to say anything, his all-knowing look was enough. but he did tell me he loved me, and that he was proud of who i was - and my grandmother came up and said they had always talked about how proud of their grandchildren they were, because they never had to worry about a single one of us being off late, or getting in trouble. thanks for the wisdom shared, chris, i think it made me feel a lot more at peace with everything. i told him and got it out of my heart for everyone to know.

it's so heart-breaking, not only am i struggling, but everyone around me is, as well. my cousins, wow, we just look at each other and start tearing up. i've cried on josh's shoulder, kim's shoulder, stephi and i cried together by his bedside, meme's been a trooper and is helping us, t and i have cried and hugged. needless to say, the grandchildren really pulled together this morning.

meme said she's been praying for a while now that if it would be His will, to take them together. she said today, "i guess that's not what's going to happen. He must not be done with me."

papaw's brothers from alabama visited today - and one of them looks just like him! i glanced at him for a second, having a flashback, and thought it was my papaw...

how times have changed. the only thing that keeps me from being a basket case is that i know where he's going, and know my entire family be there one day and have a big reunion!

guys, i'm sorry if this is long and boring - but it's therapy for me, to get it down and write about it. i guess i'm using this for a journal to keep up with what's happening when it seems the days are so long, yet time seems to go so fast.

thankful thursday

finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things

Thankful Thursday: What no_average_girl is thankful for this week i'm so thankful for the ability to touch, to speak, to communicate, to live, to laugh, to remember, to store better memories, to recall sweet times. to know there is a better future, a better hope beyond today. i'm so thankful for the time i've had to spend with my papaw. Links to other Thankful Thursdays sting my heart ~ eph 2810 ladybug crossing nightingale child of God friday's child ~If you participate, leave your link in the comments and I'll post it~

Click here for the Thankful Thursday code


Click here for Chrixean's blog


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View More Thankful Thursday Participants

meme called and said papaw wanted to see the kids. not sure why or what's up, he just wanted to see the kids. so i'm up, wondering what must be happening...

update: mom just called and wants us to go to the hospital for a little while. please pray for us......

as we're getting ready to head the hospital tonight, i can't think but remember things about papaw...

like the time we went"fishing"...a good excuse for a boat ride with papaw! just taken this past july...

or the time, when i was about 12, he looked at me and smiled and said, "maegan, you look like you're getting taller and better looking!" i still think fondly of that memory, 8 years later!

or the circus "peanuts" he brought faith when we thought she was allergic to real nuts, because she would beg for any kind of nuts, and he found a way to give her something she wanted!

or remembering him as he laughed, as the man he raised my dad to be, as the man he was - smart, intelligent, full of common sense, hard working, diligent, loving, compassionate, and so much more! i wish i would have taken more time to tell him how much i really thought of him, but i have always told him i loved him and that must suffice at this point - for i couldn't talk if i tried to tell him now.

ok, now that i'm in tears before even seeing him today, i guess it's time to wrap this up and head to the hospital. i hope you all have a blessed day, and don't hesitate to tell someone you love them and hold them tight!

well, guys, things seemed to be headed in a positive direction, so we were all planning on going to karate and dad was going to go to the hospital after, and i was planning on going with him to check on papaw and see what was happening. well, those plans fell through when dad got a call that my grandmother wanted him at the hospital, so mom decided she would go with him and us three girls could go to karate. but, i really felt i needed to go to the hospital with them. so, we skipped karate and headed to the hospital.

as it turns out, the doctors are saying he's not going to get better, at all. according to them, his lungs are like cardboard and not asorbing enough oxygen. i think last night was the "reality" point where we all were forced to realize this and it had to soak in. as meme told aunt kim, "this is something we've known for a long time. there's the stage of knowing it, the stage of it happening, and the stage of accepting it. i know it's not easy, but we have got to accept it now. we don't have a choice." bless her heart, she's been so strong for him and has done everything he ever needed done. she's facing losing her lifetime partner and is able to keep that strength about her.

what is papaw thinking? here all these people are around him weeping, and while we love him so and don't want to lose him, he knows it's because of him but there's absolutely nothing he can do. while he can't talk - haha, he never did talk much, but he's like my dad and uncle marty, if they say anything you better listen because it's something guaranteed to be wise - he can still hear and know exactly what's happening. but, as we all are trying to take comfort in, he's headed to a better place where he won't have to labor to breath.

side note: today is my mother's birthday, so hop over to radical one and wish her a happy birthday. i hate all of this must be happening on her birthday...

my dear blogging brother and sisters, thank you so much for your prayers and comments (or tiaras :-)! i can't express what it means to have you in prayer behind me and my family.

as of right now, things seem to keep going back and forth. he has been moved out of icu into his own room, which is an answer to prayer. we're thinking he'll be able to go home soon, but taking one day at a time. doctors seem to be in disagreement over the cause of the low blood pressure and what's causing his breathing to be difficult, but his blood pressure is pretty normal now and his breathing seems to be getting somewhat better. just continue praying for wisdom to make decisions for my dad, uncle marty, aunt kim, and grandmother...and for clear communication from the doctors.

i'm going to see him today. i went to pick up faith from there yesterday and saw meme (my grandmother) as she was walking back in. "are you coming back?" she asked. i'm sure she's wanting visitors as much as papaw. so, i thought i could take a little while to go sit with them.

i also am going to put in an application at a hotel for the front desk...i had mentioned the job situation to one of my black belt instructors. i knew he managed a hotel, but i hadn't even thought of putting in an application there. well, when he heard i didn't have any immediate plans he mentioned he had some positions for part-time open and said to put in an application. this would be working with people, and i'd still get to laugh at the crazy ones! :-D so, i thought i'd go in today and do put one in while i was out running around. please pray that if this is right, that the hours and everything would work out smoothly.

dad went and visited papaw at the hospital tonight, along with uncle marty and my cousin, haley. but the news wasn't good - he wasn't doing so great and the lung doctor had him remain in icu...so, he didn't get a room today - as he and my grandmother had both hoped. please, lift him up in prayer and that the doctors will find the cause and give him what he needs.

it's so hard seeing him in icu after being so incredibly healthy only a few short months ago. he would walk a mile (sometimes two) every day, and in a matter of a week could not walk across the room. now, he has a hard time getting up and moving around. how fragile and precious life is indeed...

thanks for your support and prayers so far! you guys have been awesome!

update on papaw

i went with dad and faith this morning to see papaw before church, and he was doing so much better! his blood pressure is almost normal! they are hoping to get him moved out of icu and into a room sometime today, which is absolutely wonderful! we're still not sure why his blood pressure plumetted like that, but we're so thankful it's back up!

please continue praying, but also praise Him - for He is marvelous and He is wonderful!

please pray

last night, we had a pretty busy saturday scheduled - beginning with pictures in the a.m. and ending up at a karate "spar-a-thon" in the afternoon, then likely meeting some family for dinner or something. this morning, my grandmother calls and says they are calling an ambulance for my papaw (the one that has been battling lung cancer). apparently, he's not up to even making it out to the car on his own.

so, that drastically changed the plans. we rearranged to have those pictures on another day, we set aside the spar-a-thon, and mom and dad went to the hospital, along with my aunt and uncle. before too long, they decided to keep him in icu for a couple of days at least, due to low blood pressure, chills, fever, and the strong possibility of an infection. please lift him up as well as my dad, uncle marty, and grandmother.

i dedicate this heart to You

as i've been learning to follow my heart, to live more by my heart instead of out of duty to myself, to others, or even out of duty to God learning to live by the desires He's placed within me. not to say i'm throwing it all out, but i've had to do some "re-arranging" you could say! lol

i've been learning He places within each of us our own unique desires - some are prayer warriors and enjoy praying, others love to study His word, yet others would rather work one-on-one with people - they all have their places and we all need to have a little of each, but for His purposes He's given stronger desires to each person. i know one of mine is for our sign language/interpretive dance team, praise in motion. we have lots of songs on itunes (yes, we're mac people!) and i felt an urge to do a search for "heart." well, i saw this song and while i wasn't familiar with it, i looked up the lyrics and the choreography came without much thought - it was given to me - probably the first i've "completed" in 10 minutes or less!

while dealing with my heart and trying to discern what it wants (not out of duty, rules, what others think, etc.), i'm also learning patience. if He's given me my desires, He will either fulfill them or they become a "death" and it does take time to mourn - which takes lots of time and love. regardless of the outcome, He has been calling me to follow those desires. i am resting in His promise:

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

here are the lyrics....

I wanna give back something
For all you've given me
Your love is such a Blessing
I just can't belive
How everything is changing
You've set my life's emotions
I want you to somehow see the depth of my devotions

Chorus

I dedicate this heart to you
for now and for my whole life through
I dedicate this heart to loving You
Lord from the deepest part of me
im gonna make this clear you see
I dedicate this heart to loving you
I dedicate this heart to you

I wanna live to serve you
love you as you love me
i wanna let your light burn
always shining faithfully
i hope to make it obvious
no way to forget it
let every day be evindence
im totally commited

CHORUS

bridge-

i give you my life completely
Ill answer the way you lead me
ill trust you rain or shine
until the end of time

when all else fails

i found this reflection over at bill scott's my heart displayed in writing. bill's blog has been one that has caught my attention and one that is full of encouragement. this one particularly touched my heart and i wanted to share it with you all! if you get as much as i did out of it, go on over to my heart displayed in writing and let bill know!


When times are tough and things get out of hand
When you are scared to death and no longer can stand
When things get chaotic and fear grips your soul
When you feel you are lost and cannot be consoled

When your vision is blurred and you no longer can see
Because of the tears swelling inside as you weep
When all is against you and you cannot go on
And you feel you will die as you feel all is gone

Do not cast away all the things that you know
Don't think God's not there; that He's left you alone
We know God is for us; His word tells us so
He will not forsake us; no matter where we go

Our feelings will tell us that God hates our guts
But if we listen to feelings, they will drive us all nuts
For our feelings are contrary to the truth in God's word
Our feelings will lie and will twist what's occurred

Let God be true and every man a liar
Is a scripture to cling to; when we are in the fire
Our feelings deceive us; they shift just like sand
But Gods word is eternal; on it we can stand

So please be encouraged as you go through this storm
Your life is what the Lord wants to use and transform
Don't throw in the towel though you weep and you wail
For God is still with you; even when all else fails!

Written by Bill Scott, Sr.

thankful thursday

finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things

Thankful Thursday: What no_average_girl is thankful for this week love for life, love for others, love for God family who light the way, who are there to help when times get tough, to hold you when you can't go on friends who let you know you're important, make you feel cared for, yet push you to be all you can be abudant living to keep the journey exciting a heart to follow my Jesus Who gives me the desires of my heart Links to other Thankful Thursdays sting my heart ~ eph 2810 ladybug crossing nightingale child of God friday's child ~If you participate, leave your link in the comments and I'll post it~

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a heart after His...

i received this in my inbox this morning from someone who really cares about me, and who was thoughtful and sweet enough to pass it along. this is definitely something the Lord has been working on with me and it hit something within me...i can only hope it helps another...


Few people ever dare to go after God with all of there heart, soul, mind and strength.
I think they know he is worth it.
They know he can do it.
But somehow they don't believe they have what it takes.
The cost to my family,my spouse, my children and my pride are just to much to risk.
This fear of failure keeps the vast majority of churches full and the world still in darkness.
The interesting thing here is this.
It is not failure which keeps us from being and having all God has promised.
It is the fear.
Which causes more anguish?
Being alone or the fear of being alone?
Which causes more heart ache?
Not experiencing love or the fear of never experiencing love?
Which causes more suffering?
Going to hell or the thought that you or someone you care about might?
Which bothers you the most?
Being needed by others or not being needed by others?
The reality is this: "Perfect love cast out all fear."
Therefore, stop for a moment, look at the face of God, look deep into his eyes and notice what he is looking at.
See the peace, the joy, the kind _expression of his love.
Now look at him the same way he is looking at you.
Now feel what you see.
And realize all this time he has been looking at you!
He sees what you see.
Do you see what he sees?
He sees the truth and he believes it.
How about you?
He is having so much fun being him.
Are you having as much fun being you?
Twins, are you not?

template help

i've been attempting to add another sidebar to my template, and i've been successful in adding one but it's in the wrong place and when i try to get it straightened out it goes in a complete jumble! :-S i know i have many wonderful buddies who can help...what i'd like to do is to add a sidebar on the left, have the main column in the center, and have the other one on the right. is this something that is likely possible with my current template or would it be better to find a template already organized with three columns?

thanks guys!

first seen at my lighter side...

Your Life Path Number is 3

Your purpose in life is to express your unique self. You are a creative and artistic person with an interesting view on life. Witty and outgoing, you enjoy sharing your crazy ideas with anyone who will listen. A total social butterfly, you're the life of any party. In love, you inspire and enchant your partner. You are often an object of fantasy and desire. While you are very talented, you sometimes lack the ambition to put your talents in play. And while your wit carries you a long way, you occasionally use it to mask your true feelings. Your natural abilities can bring you all the success in the world ... if you let them

What Is Your Life Path Number?

went to karate & helped teach - boy, those kids are so much fun to work with! one of the little boys even got his white belt...which is a big accomplishment, as it shows you know the first form and are progressing...i think it means even more to a kid!
mom and t got some sunburn today - i'm only slightly red...i was the "smart" one! haha
i relaxed and read the lost choice
i've made poppy seed muffins
and now have white chocolate chip cookies in the oven

oh, on friday i turned in my 2-week-notice for work - some little things have happened and as a shania twain song says...this job ain't worth the pay lol i am going to miss it though (especially the "regulars", if only i could do my job without having my bosses count those pennies, and feeling like you can't do your job well enough. enough about that!

there was something that happened at work friday...oh, these two ladies came up to pay right after looking at our bakery items (scones, muffins, cookies) and one asked the other, "do you want a scone?" then looked towards the counter, "do you have scones?" and without missing a beat she continued, "i guess you do because i just looked at them right over there..." i wanted to laugh so hard! but you guys would be proud of me, i only smiled......until they left :-D it's days and people like those ladies that i will miss!

the ultimate risk

God's relationship with us and with us and our world is just that: a relationship. as with every relationship, there's a certain amount of unpredictability, and the ever-present likelihood that you'll get hurt. the ultimate risk anyone ever takes is to love, for as c.s. lewis says, "love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal." but God does give it, again and again and again, until He is literally bleeding from it all. God's willingness to risk is just astounding - far beyond what any of us would do if we were in His position.

there is definitely something wild in the heart of God......

~wild at heart by john eldredge

love is something that involves lots of mystery - it's some unexplainable, something amazing. there is something rooted deep in the heart of every girl, something that longs to be beautiful, fought for, and captivating.

it is our greatest expression of love when we reveal our true beauty, our feminine hearts, because our softness is what the world needs most from us. when we choose to offer our hearts, we are choosing to love. our focus shifts from self-protection of ourselves to the hearts of others. we offer beauty so their hearts might come alive, be healed, know God...that is love and that is what i seek to do.

sure, it's going to hurt. it'll likely leave a huge target for an "arrow" to strike, but in order for our hearts to truly come alive we must be willing to take this risk. for this very reason, we construct a life of safety (i will not be vulnerable there) and find some place to get a taste of being enjoyed or at least being needed...as frederick buechner says:

the trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed.

i have got to let down my walls, allow myself to be vulnerable, and live a passionate life of desire for Him, serving others, and opening up to care and love. to allow His Beauty to radiate through me...ultimately, to be vulnerable to Him.

the message of the arrows

at some point we all face the same decision - what will we do with the arrows we've known? maybe a better way to say it is, what have they tempted us to do? however they come to us, whether through a loss we experienced as abandonment or some deep violation we feel as abuse, their message is always the same: kill your heart. divorce it, neglect it, run from it, or indulge it with some anesthetic (our various addictions). think of how you've handled the affliction that has pierced your own heart. how did the arrows come to you? what did they land? are they still there? what have you done as a result?

to say we all face a decision when we're pierced by an arrow is misleading. it makes the process sound so rational, as though we have the option of coolly assessing the situation and choosing a logical response. life isn't like that - the heart cannot be managed in a detached sort of way (certainly not when we are young, when some of the most defining arrows strike). it feels more like an ambush, and our response is at gut level. we may never put words to it. our deepest convictions are formed without conscious effort, but the effect is a shift deep in our soul. commitments form never to be in that position again, never to know that sort of pain again. the result is an approach to life that we often call our personality. if you'll listen carefully to your life, you may begin to see how it has been shaped by the unique arrows you've known and the particular convictions you've embraced as a result. the arrows also taint and partially direct even our spiritual life.

~the sacred romance

this is where i am...having to face some "arrows" in my life. choosing how to assess those "pains" and how i will let them effect me. will i leave the arrows where they land, allowing them to alter my life, personality, and decisions or take the time to painstakingly treat them and give them reasonable time to heal correctly? most of the arrows' initial damage cannot be helped, but how you choose to allow the wound to heal is another story.

please say a little prayer that i will identify the arrows and deal with the wound correctly.

thankful thursday

i found the thankful thursdays at sting my heart ~ eph 2810, needless to say she has a great blog! :-) today is my first shot at thankful thursday, but God knew i needed this today - i would need something to look back on and to dwell on - as philippians 4:8 says:

finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things

with that in mind, here is my first....

Thankful Thursday: What no_average_girl is thankful for this week laughter to brighten my world thoughtfulness when i've been disheartened family who stick closer than glue through the rough waters joy to keep me smiling hope for the journey friends to make the journey a little more enchanting - if only for a season Links to other Thankful Thursdays sting my heart ~ eph 2810 ladybug crossing nightingale ~If you participate, leave your link in the comments and I'll post it~

Click here for the Thankful Thursday code


Click here for Chrixean's blog


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View More Thankful Thursday Participants